Category Archives: Tripping Through the Kingdom of Magical Thinking….

Just Suppose…. (A Compositional Study… of sorts….)

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Never studied composition….
Never studied music….
Never realized how much their is to it….
Never realized that we were doing it all wrong….

Please disregard ALL previous musical posts….
We just found out that we were doing it ALL WRONG!!!

Apparently… music can only be composed on a keyboard instrument….
Went out….
Bought a book….
Read part….
Of the Introduction….
Found out we’ve been doing it ALL wrong….

Apparently… four compositional methods exist….
Harmonic composition… which means chord changes come first….
Melodic composition… which means the melody of the song comes first….
Holistic composition… which means you really know what you’re doing… and you compose the melody and the harmony at the same time….
Layered composition… which means you create different parts separately… and assemble them piecemeal….

Excuse me….
Five compositional methods exist….
All Wrong Composition… which means you don’t know what you’re doing… but you refuse to let that stop you… which was our chosen… and misguided methodology….

Now… we’re less ignernt…. Better eticated…. We bought a book… and read just a bit….

And… this is the result….
This was composted on a pianer….
Just like it was supposed to be….
So… it’s… better….

Just Suppose….
Featuring special ghost artist… A. Ghost….
From Unaffected Transcendence….

Dancing Bear: Act 1 (Second Take Vocals….)

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Two vocal arrangements. This is the second. At least the second keeper….

The song remains the same….

Pretty minimal arrangement…. (Ironic… yes…. Pretty & minimal.)

jOHnnY jOkEr & ThE wIlD cArDz….
Ain’t THAT Life…?

The second vocal rendition….

Obama Bombing Iraq: The Fear Factory.

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Irate Progressive Liberals demanded that President Barack Husein Obama be impeached today after they inadvertantly found out that some of the Humanitarian Assistance packages dropped at his behest in his bid to be recognized as the almost completely legitimate savior of Yazadih refugees hiding somewhere in the mountains of northwestern Iraq near that countries insecure border with Syria were, in fact, laser-guided high explosive and anti-personnel munitions. Former Voice of God Jaybird Carney was called in to quell the political unrest, due to President Obama’s mandatory participation in a Best Ball Gold Tournament with major Democratic Campaign operatives and contributors… as well as past and potentially future Democratic Presidents.

Jaybird Carney also attempted to address the suddenly intensely heat leveled at President Obama by his Atheist and Secular Humanist supporters who had been enjoying the relatively few reports (at least proportionally) of Christians being behead and forced to convert to Sunni Islam stating emphatically: “Obama is OUR savior, not theirs! They don’t even worship him! We do!” Famous Atheist and Secular Humanist icon and anti-Christian belligerents, Professors Richard Dawson and Lawrence Krauss, perhaps most famous for wearing cruel shoes while they criticize things they don’t know about issued a joint, yet terse, statement stating, “Though we accept the trajectory of man becoming god, we do not believe that brown-nosing and ritual swooning clearly constitute religious worship.” Professor Krauss quickly added that he was sure that in a different dimension that can be postulated based on his religious belief in Superstrings and M-theory that divine beings like Obama can and should be worshiped.

[Rather than being cowed into issuing a retraction later, the editors of Cutty Snark feel compelled to state categorically that Superstring Theory and M-theory are simply scientific fictions at this point – that lack proven mathematical methodology and Scientific merit to be called anything more than rank hypotheses. At this point in time, they are best understood as religious expressions of faith. However, we admit in the next few millennia, mankind may have moved far enough forward (notice we did not say “evolved” because belief that any trajectory determined by random process inevitably and inerrantly moves in one direction requires belief in a power directing that movement) to actually submit said hypothesis to a little test we like to call – “The Scientific Method”! Until such a time as that can occur, the “Theories” will remain nothing more in our addled minds than specious speculation.]

Apparently in an attempt to preempt any comments that former Governor of You-don’t-even-gotta-aska Sarah Palin or other Tea Party persona may put forward, Jaybird Carney immediately took the opportunity of a brief lull in the cacophony from the room full of liberals to state emphatically that President Obama had cracked. He went on to explain that the blame should be placed directly on President George W. Bush, Jr., or as Carney exclaimed loudly in his best hawker voice, “The Ghost of President Past”. The former Spokesmodel of Liberal Ignorance and Ineptitude then began gesticulating wildly and invoked the pathetic pathos of Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, claiming that the ghost of the former President had psychically manifest itself during the discussions about what to do in the situation room, and in the absence of Former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton, the ghost had made the decision to drop the bomb.

And in an attempt to preempt the possible comments of sitting Governor of Texas Rick Perry, Carney careless commented that moving the refugees from the unsecured border between Iraq and Syria to the unsecured border would be too costly to the American taxpayer. Then he added nonchalantly, “Besides… all of the MS-13 gangsters are tied up escorting the illegal aliens we shipped to Hawaii back to Arizona because no guest in America should be subjected to the same threats and risks to lives and property as the American taxpayer. They don’t belong here. They shouldn’t have to worry….” He then added as an aside, “The Republican Congress has been negligent of their duties and responsibilities to pass legislation to protect these young vacationers… they haven’t even been issued health insurance or driver’s licenses… or even free Obamaphones with International Calling Options yet. All they do is complain and obstruct. They need to just pass the bill that President Obama and Harry Reid and the other Democrats send them so that we can eventually find out whats in it, because not knowing is less scary than knowing.”

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi showed up for the dysfunction late, but immediately scowled and screamed: “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard! Who thought that ignorant statement up?”

Carney demurred: “Well… for the most part… YOU did….”

When asked where the press could obtain documents regarding the operation, Jaybird Carey remarked that they would certainly be coming, then added that President Obama and Eric Holder assigned Lois Lerner to handle all communications on the topic.

And in other… almost completely unrelated news… Former NBA player Dennis Rodman announced that Our Other Beloved Leader, President-for-Life Kim jong-euewewewun has offered NOT to nuke the White House if he is given complete control of the Los Angeles Clippers and $2 billion. He stated that that his current contract with ISIS awards him the entire NBA franchise, but he is willing to settle for the Los Angeles Clippers and $2 billion dollars, if he is also awards the rights to LeBron James and Kevin Love. His public relations officer explained that Kobe Bryant snubbed his offer to play him one on one on his secret palace court hidden deep in a mountain under Pyongyang, in the pen where he keep the Royal Unicorns – the only real unicorns in existence anywhere in the world. He also invited President Barack Obama to visit and play for the rights to control the entire world… in their own minds….

Warren Attends “Family Reunion”.

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Massachusetts Junior Senator Elizabeth Warren made a few choice comments in an effort to explain her genetic heritage, which was called into question by the leaders of the Cherokee Nation. She found an unlikely ally… and cousin… with similar features at a family reunion of sorts… famed Bounty Hunter… Duane “Dog” Chapman….

Ms. Warren recently met with Mr. Chapman and his wife Beth to discuss ways to educate America on the plight of the Blonde Branch of the Cherokee Nation. Both lamented that they had been ostracized by their “Spirit People” and cut off from the lucrative casino and bingo businesses… and forced to work in the White Man’s World….

When asked to explain how a true Native American could have blonde hair and other essentially European… Germanic… features, Ms. Warren explained that many, if not ALL, Native Americans were actually descended from that Ten Lost Tribes of Israel after the Assyrian conquest and captivity. She further stated that since she and Mr. Chapman were essentially Jewish, no one should find their blue eyes and blonde hair as exceptional.

The two announced that they are no embarking on an all-out search to identify other full-blooded blonde and blue-eyed Jewish Cherokee individuals in an effort to seek Federal recognition as a legitimate tribe. When asked if she believed that Jesus had visited North America after his crucifixion, Senator Warren stated, “Sure. Why not? It could happen. God… no God… if it gets me votes for President in 2016… it’s all good….”

House Minority Leader Pelosi Explains ObamaCare.

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Today House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi angrily confronted reporter asking her to explain the recent reports that she purposely served potentially poisoned soup to an American War Hero with opposing political views. Ms. Pelosi shouted, “That man is no American Hero! And he is on the wrong side of what’s wrong with America! Besides… he’s a Teabagger and he deserves whatever he gets….”

When asked to explain her remarks, she stated, “While ALL America was engaged in singing a rousing chorus of ‘Would You Like to Buy an O?” that stupid man just sat there in his wheelchair like a cripple! Next thing you know, he will be complaining because his Disability Benefits were scrapped in order to fund ObamaCare and ObamaPhones for people who are much more deserving than him if for no other reason than simply because they voted for a winner!”

The mad Congresswoman then went on to explain her vision regarding ObamaCare: “It’s like I told that invalid, ‘You’ve got to eat it to know what’s in it!’ And then… you still might not know. That’s why it’s called Mystery Meat!”

Representative Pelosi continued to represent: “Let me put it this way: if you like steak and you want to eat steak, buy someone who voted for us a steak, and if they can’t eat all everything you bought for them, you can eat the scraps. If you don’t want to buy that person a steak, buy him a hamburger, and then you can kiss his buns! That’s more than fair. He voted for the winner!”

Tearful Apologies from Mainstream Media…

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As many of you may be aware, MSNBC spokesmodel Melissa Harris-Perry recently issued a dramatic (or dramatized…) tearful apologetics of why mocking former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney’s adopted African-American grandson was politically correct… stating precisely why she should be forgiven…. Ms. Harris-Perry explained that SHE was raised a White African-American child in a large Mormon family, but the Liberal Progressive Socialist Fascist pundit quickly clarified that she was not White African-American like George Zimmerman was White Hispanic-American… because she was blacker than Zimmerman…. Ms. Harris-Perry explained that she figured mocking an actual African-American child raised in a similar large white cracker Mormon family could not be racist because she was a Black White African-American and therefore could not be racist. Ms. Harris-Perry revealed that her condescending outburst was not racially motivated, but rather she was disgusted that Governor Mitt Romney refused to accept the blame for the failure of ObamaCare because he had signed RomneyCare into law when he was Governor of Massachusetts and colluded with then President George H. W. Bush, Jr. to make America’s first White African-American President’s signature Healthcareless bill appear to be a dismal failure.

This scandalrag can now report that we hired a crack team of cracker busting Liberal Bigots known as The Resurrectionists who have worked extensively as Democratic operatives digging up dirt on Republicans (otherwise known as opposition research) and digging up dead Democrats so they can vote in elections in Chicago. Their extensive on-line research, mostly performed via the extensive genealogy records kept by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints library in Salt Lake City, Utah, confirms that Melissa Harris-Perry was indeed raised in a large whitebread Mormon family (because whitebread is considered more sanctimonious than crackers, which may be ceremonials defiled because they contain ritually unclean pig lard). We can now reveal that she is the adopted granddaughter of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

In other news regarding MSNBC, which will soon host a new reality show entitled Hunting Bigots, Alec Baldwin, in a dramatic tearful apology announced that he had been raised a Black child in large White Mormon family. Mr. Baldwin stated that when he was first informed that he was actually a White Black child, he was filled with such self-loathing that he became filled with such vehement and violent Liberal Bigotry that he could not contain himself. He felt compelled to speak out… to come out of the closet  and get into the street on the sidewalk beside his car and express his disdain for other Liberal Bigots like himself by ridiculing anyone else who had made different racial and color choices than himself. Mr. Baldwin explained that if he could not get forgiveness from other Liberal Bigots, he would simply seek a Presidential Pardon including absolution of all his sins emanating from the Plenitude of Grace inherent in the Constitutionally mandated powers of the current President of Liberal Progressive Socialist Americans and Illegal Aliens.

Illegal Alien Attack on American Military

This morning, Cutty Snark learned from documents obtained through the Federal Freedom of Information Act, that the meat substance involved in the alleged Soup Kitchen Chef incident surreptitiously filmed by ersatz filmography Alexandra Pelosi at a homeless shelter for Disabled American Veterans apparently may contain illegal alien products smuggled into this country without appropriate inspection. The documents suggest that while the potentially toxic substances should have already been inspected by Agricultural Inspectors from the Food and Drug Administration, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has intervened with Attorney General Eric Holder who immediately asked President Barack Obama to issue and Executive Order designating the potential toxic assault on wounded American War Veterans an “issue of cultural diversity” rather than an attempt to end run agricultural inspection. Apparent, one of the sailors found a piece of the substance stuck on his pants leg after he vomited up the vast majority of the disgusting soup. Initial analysis reveals to be human testicle.

The investigation is being slowed by inability to find the images of the incident taken by defamed cinamatographeress Alexandra Pelosi, who stated that her mother, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi had inadvertently erased over the entire episode when she saved footage of a family vacation taken recently to the taxpayer funded Presidential Retirement Mansion on the Big Island in Hawaii.

When asked specifically to address the charges that she attempted to poison the wily veteran with tainted flesh, Congresswoman Pelosi replied: “Give me a break! It’s only testicle. Those Tea Baggers love that stuff! Besides… this is a Union issue…. That’s where this should be handled.”

When someone explained that purposely feeding tainted meat to American Military Veterans may constitute assault, Ms. Pelosi opined, “ALL Meat Inspectors are members of the Federal Employee Union; therefore, this actually constitutes a Union issue. Besides… that old fart is Tea Bagger and deserves what he got!”

In other news, President Barack Obama is expected to issue an Executive Order later this afternoon declaring all issues involving tainted meat to be considered Union issues.

Errata: Ms. Pelosi has demanded that the tainted food product no longer be referred to as “Illegal Imported” items, but rather be labelled “Undocumented Accoutrements” in all further stories.